Solar System

I looked to the stars

they told me to take it slow

I did not listen

The moon warns me now

"I know you prefer the night

don't forget the stars"

The moon is just rock

and all the stars are dying

I need light to live

This solar eclipse

has burned my eyes white and gold

I cry for the stars

Now the sun is here

and I'm trying to count back

the days I've wasted

The moon looks sadly

at my life laying shambled

it could've done more

13 things my parents forgot to teach me:

1. going down slides isn't fun and people will forget my birthday
2. high school isn't like high school musical
3. my favorite color will change and so will my hair
4. soccer isn't for everyone
5. people drink beer at BYU games
6. it's okay to cry over a broken heart. (even if you're in 7th grade)
7. people will think my Pokemon collection is weird
8. not everyone will like Phantom of the Opera
9. brothers can't always be there for you. neither can dogs
10. sunrises happen whether I witness them or not. so do sunsets
11. the sun can blind me but so can the moon
12. the stars will be there when people aren't
13. sometimes being a robot is ok

Eye downt no

Why do I listen to "The Fault In Our Stars" soundtrack more than I listen to how my brothers date went?

Why do I care that they're going to Homecoming more than I care about what dress I'll wear to match his eyes?

Why do I cry about dumb boys more than I cry about lost dogs?

Why do I love riding my bike more than I love family night? 

Why do I sing in your truck more than I do in choir class?

Why do I feel peace in the canyon more than I do in church every week?

Why do I write everything I have coming in the future more than I write what I've already done?

Why am I even making this list.

I don't know.

None of it really matters right?

Don't Forget!!!! :):):)

I like to think I'm fearless and adventurous and spontaneous and that I throw caution to the wind but instead my timid sentence confessing "I don't know if this is a good idea..." is the only thing the wind is catching.

So here's my list of fears that I like to pretend don't exist.

windows

skin cancer

being in charge of kids

jumping off of truck beds

outhouses

ants. sometimes fire ants

sometimes aunts

forgetting what day it is

contacts. not glasses. i like glasses

getting stepped on

walking too slowly

forgetting hunters laugh

seeing your mom at the store

caves

stepping on grasshoppers

my dreams coming true

college

someone else knowing me as much as you do

heights. mainly falling from them

forgetting the color of your eyes

forgetting last nights sunset

forgetting how this blanket feels

forgetting what it means to be alive
mainly forgetting

To the Elementary Me

To the little upstairs bedroom

      sorry I didn't appreciate your coziness 

To the bookshelf in the alcove

      sorry I let your shelves collect dust more than my iPod ever did

To the window looking out to the tree I planted

      sorry I kept the curtains closed 

To the blanket I've had since I was born

      sorry I ruthlessly dragged you every where 

To the 13 journals I started

      sorry I only ever wrote on the first page

To the crayons I never loved

      sorry I broke every one I touched and moved on too fast

To the little girl who had dreams in her head and hope in her heart

      sorry I let you down

strangers meeting at sometime

I don't think I'll be able to handle the "Hey how have you been? Haven't heard from you in so long!" Or the "Let's go grab lunch sometime and catch up!" But sometime won't happen because you're gonna be busy and I'm gonna be busy and something will always be in the way of sometime.

 

I can't stand knowing we're gonna be strangers. 

My heart physically hurts thinking how in 5 years we'll be asking about each others families when all we ever knew was making sure not to wake mom up when I got you home too late. 

"What's new with your life? Seems like it's been forever huh"

For now, it's dealing with goodbyes. This is the first of a long list that seems like it will never end, constantly rolling past May 28th catching momentum spiraling me through the cracks in my heart that keep expanding. 

For now it's "I'll miss you"'s and teary eyed hugs and forced bravery saying the final goodbye without breaking. 

"If he ever hurts you, you know I'll be here in a heartbeat"

So let's catch up in 5 years, talk about your toddler and my bookshop in Washington. Let's talk about how life never worked out like we planned, but how we're so glad sometime rolled around. 

Sometime, we'll be back together.

MISSING

MISSING: Big heart, some think it's ice.

Slightly cracked, but preferred over emptiness.

hat people

He's a fedora. She's a beret. He's a snap back with his favorite baseball team on the front. She's an Audrey Hepburn starring in My Fair Lady hat. But him... he's harder to categorize. 

He's the worn down baseball cap that you have hanging on your bed post. He's the hat you bought in Switzerland that only brings good memories. He's the hat your grandpa gave you on your first fishing trip, forever cherished.

He's the reason you wear the sun-bleached soccer club hat even though you hate soccer. He's the reason you finally had the guts to wear your enormous sun hat out in public. "It's perfect for the zoo, we'll go and you'll look beautiful." He's the reason. 

Some people are hat people. 

He's not. 

He hates hats.

But to me, for me, he's the hat that makes me comfortable. Makes me feel like more than myself. He's the addition to my head that makes me think clearer, nicer, better. 

He hates hats. But people are hats. 

"I like your hat" you.