1st relationship

(girls point of view: top to bottom)

My first relationship didn't last long enough 

And you'll never hear me say that

It was a waste of time 

I loved you 

And I don't think that

I'll get over it soon 

Everyday was perfect but

You thought

We needed space 

I don't know how many times I said 

"We were meant for each other"

I never believed that 

It would end this way

I planned the future, knew that

I wanted to be with you, but

I guess it just didn't work out 

(Boys point of view: bottom to top) 

time to talk

Let's get this straight. It's been 4 and 1/2 months and you barely know me and I barely know you. We've been in the same classroom every other day for 4 and 1/2 months and I probably don't know your name or your favorite color or what you prefer to do on Saturday nights.

sorry.

But in 4 and 1/2 months we'll walk at graduation and we'll probably never see each other again, so it might be a good thing I never asked you if you prefer rain over sunshine or if you still have your elementary school journal because I would've gotten attached and then 4 and 1/2 months from now would be harder then I want it to be.

sorry.

But some scars take too long to fade and some tornadoes rip up everything you've ever known and sometimes it's better to spend a Saturday night alone.

So good luck to all of you whether you want to become an astronaut or the president or even an English teacher. I'll be sitting by my fire in Washington, seeing your face on the news after you cure cancer.

congrats.

Maybe I'll say "hey. I knew them when we were 17 and still trying to figure out how to survive high school. Well... kinda knew them..."

But for now, I'll see you all when our names are called and we get our ticket out of here, all too excited to leave forgetting all the stress that's been building up for 4 and 1/2 months.

nice to (barely) get to know you.

nicole.

4x1,789

I don't remember the first time I went to Washington or what happened on my 7th birthday.

I don't remember how many times I begged him to cu his hair or when I first fell in love with flannel.

I don't remember people's names from elementary or my favorite Hannah Montana song.

I don't remember my 4 times tables and I sure as hell don't remember anything from 11th grade math.

I don't remember why I was afraid of my dog or why I liked that kid in 8th grade.

I don't remember my Dad's birthday or a deadline until it's the day of.

I don't remember the 206 bones in my body

but I do remember the day I thought they all broke.

I remember wearing the same outfit for a week and falling in love with watery blue eyes I hadn't seen since 6th grade.

I remember my last sunset with my brother and all the 517 days in-between.

I don't remember a lot but there's somethings you just can't forget like how seeing your best friend cry is the equivalent of feeling a hurricane in your heart.

and how 4x8 or 4x9 or 4x1,789 will never matter.

Sir Edmund Hillary

Zac has some dope words so I picked out some of my favorites and I'm gonna read this in class 'cause I think everyone should hear his words. yeah.

Sorry if you can't read it. Just go read his blog. K cool. 

NEWS

To my good friend Carolina

Dear Carolina Liar,
 
I just wanna say thanks.

Thanks for letting me hide behind your name for a couple months while I tried to navigate the maze connecting my heart and my brain.

When we made it on the top 5 I'm sorry that I told my class it was me I just wanted to scream and shout THAT WAS ME NOT CAROLINA. THOSE ARE MY WORDS.

THAT WAS ME,

When we posted something we were proud of and got 1 comment I wanted to blame you.

Come on Carolina, 1 comment?

I'm sorry.

I wrote the words on this blog trying to make you proud of me...
what am I talking about... You are me.

Sorry you weren't a popular blog and this post will probably get 2 comments but you know me us.

We've never been popular.

So thanks for letting me post things I never would have had the courage to do under my name.

Thank you for gathering the praise on our good days and hiding my shame on the bad ones.

For letting people feel comfortable telling me they liked my words when they probably wouldn't have otherwise.

Thank you.

It's been a good run and I think we make a good team Carolina.

But there's only so many days until there's nothing in the world for me to hide behind. So I'm starting with you.

Sincerely,

Nicole Rae Anderson

E A D G B E

We skipped out on calculus and you played our favorite song on my guitar instead.

The music filled the room, our blue eyes, and the cracks in our hearts. 

We skipped out on a movie and listened to our favorite 80's rock station in your car instead.

The music filled your car, the space in between our hands, and the blank holes in our skulls.

We skipped out on being cool and sang primary songs on the way home.

The music filled the road, the creases in your smile, and our forever cold hands.


But in the middle of our song the smallest guitar string broke and so did something inside of me. The words got stuck in my throat and our blue eyes haven't connected the way melodies should. Our hands have gotten too cold to reach out and our sentences fade off with "okay" when both of us know it isn't.


It's been 7 months and I never thought I would need to learn how to restring my guitar.

But I did.

I fixed the string he broke the day we were supposed to be nowhere near music, and I fill my heart with my own songs now.